Čutila sem telo, tiščanje v zadnjem delu hrbta, za srcem, kot da se spredaj levo mišica ne sprosti, ne odpre. Izvedla sem kanalizirano meditacijo in ugotovila: to kar se zdaj dogaja z mano, presega um. Gre za vgradnjo, menjavanje energij, verjetno res alkimijo. Potem sem sanjala sanje…
Sanjala sem o labirintu, spustih s stene, “abzajlih”, spustu v globino, potem čakanje; ne vem, čez katera vrata, vhod naj grem. Ljudje so se nabrali okrog mene, jaz pa sem še bolj izgubljena. Kje naj grem? Potem se spustim in sem izgubljena in pride moški in me objame.
Našla sem članek, kasneje pa še knjigo Marka Wolynna o Podedovanih družinskih travmah.
1Podedovana travma se pri nas velikokrat prebudi v tisti starosti, v kateri so naši predniki doživeli travmo. Četudi oseba ni več živa, četudi zgodba leži v nezavedni tišini že desetletja, ta izkušnja/spomin živi v potomcih, v njihovih telesnih občutjih, z namenom, da bi v sedanjosti, v telesih in umih potomcev našla razrešitev in osvoboditev.
Kdaj je bil moj praded v vojni v Rusiji?
Potem sem brala naprej v knjigi o primeru moškega, ki je bil pri zgoraj omenjenem terapevtu in se zavedel, da poskuša poplačati za dejanja svojega dedka. Ob prebiranju njegovega spoznanja: “Torej, mi sploh ni potrebno umreti? Torej, nisem jaz tisti, ki si zaslužim kazen in smrt?”, takrat je predvajalnik glasbe preklopil na Gibonnijevo pesem:
2“I ovo ovde nisi ti, ovo ovde nisan ja
Moglo bi bit da je lakše umrit
Nego ljudima reć oprosti“
Občutek, ki ga je prinesla psihoterapija, je slika, občutek mene, ko stojim nad nečim,
nad glasovi,
nad nezavednim in grem potem, ko želim,
dol pogledat.
In to, da včasih prav čutim, kako nekaj prihaja gor.
Poslušala sem Michaela Singerja v oddaji Super Soul Sunday.
3What do I do, when I feel disturbance? -> You relax. But people say: “I don’t understand, I just said I was disturbed, how can I relax?” There is something inside of you that is stimullated -> Your inner thorn. So, you got to decide: “Do I want to go out there and try to make sure nobody ever goes too slow in front of me?” Or you know, devote your life to that? or would you like to say “Look, i would like to enjoy my drive to work, even if somebody cut me off? But I can’t because I just got extremely disturbed due to my past experiences.” So… we should look at our disturbances and see what our disturbances are trying to tell us about ourselves.
You know what is like, if your body started to hurt, you don’t say “shut up”. You say: “Well, I wonder what’s wrong. It’s trying to talk to me.”
That is your heart telling you: “Something’s wrong inside of me.” You want to get it out. And so you just appreciate life as your teacher, and then ultimately just so we get it down, how you get it out? You relax and it will work itself out. That is my experience. You relax and don’t touch it and relax behind it and it will come up and push its own way out.
It’s almost as if your heart doesn’t want that inside. And so just like the body pushes sprinters out, it will try to push it out. But you won’t let it, because the moment it trys to push it out, you push it back down. It’s real.
But the freedom you get from it…
The beauty is, you do not have to work out every one of your issues. You do not have to: “Look, oh my God, I got so many. I’ll never do it.” You do not have to. What will happen you’ll relax behind enough times to where your seat of awareness will now be centered more in your seat of consciousness, instead of the issue keep pulling you out. And when you do that, you will start to feel something open up inside of you, I gurantee you. Call it spirit, call it whatever you want, you will start to feel a strength, a power behind you, not in front of you, where the thorns are, behind you, where you’ve been leaning back in-to. And it will support you and strengthen you and feed you. And the rest of the stuff will just fall away … cause it looks so meaningless.
/17.-19.2.2022/
Prostor/Vesolje soUstvarjanja 
Komentiraj